The orgasm is the goal of sexual intercourse, masturbation and even foreplay. It’s a mysterious pleasure, felt by every man and woman, which can be as light and simple as a flitting bird and as hard and intense as an iron wrecking ball. While it’s still called an orgasm in reference to either gender, the truth is men and women have very different experiences during this moment.
The Male Orgasm: Simple, singular and scintillating
It’s short, sweet and typically more intense than a woman’s. For guys, reaching orgasm unleashes a rush of drowsy hormones—norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nictric oxide and the hormone prolactin. That’s why it’s nearly impossible for them to not feel sleepy after sex. In most cases, men can only achieve one orgasm during intercourse and then need to recharge their erection after cumming. What does it feel like when men orgasm? Their brain enters a state of trance-like bliss during the approach and afterwards a split second of clarity like an epiphany or seeing everything perfectly clear for the first time.
Some men have stated that orgasms are different depending on whether they’re masturbating or having sex. Cumming while masturbating tends to happen out of neccessity- the man just feels like he needs to blow off some steam so he plays with himself. But cumming during intercourse can be more of a spiritual experience like establishing a deep connection with someone via orgasm.
The best way to stimulate an orgasm is to repeat rapidly moving, encased pressure around the entire length of the penis- especially the tip. Thrusting quickly and deeply into your girlfriend’s pussy or gripping your cock with your hand and jerking it up and down at high speeds are the two most obvious methods of doing this. Another way to make an orgasm more intense is to “edge” it. Meaning, you just about reach the point where you are going to cum and then you force yourself not to. Hold it in and slow down, then keep going again until you reach that point once more. Repeat as many times as you like (but don’t be ridiculous) until you finally let yourself release. The feeling is explosive.
The ‘Other’ Male Orgasm Straight Guys Won’t Wanna Read About
Believe it or not, there is a male equivalent to the female G-Spot. The prostate orgasm is supposedly a lot more intense than a regular orgasm and the spot is easier to find than a woman’s. This orgasm is achieved by internal stimulation of the prostate via the anus. It is most commonly felt by homosexual practitioners, however, straight guys can have one as well if they have a forward thinking girlfriend ready with the assist or are willing to try anal sex toys. Many gay men have tried to convince straight guys to keep an open mind about the “Male g-Spot” because they know what their hetero pals are missing. You can either continue reading for the how-to, or curse my name out loud and curl up into a fetal position in the corner.
Gay or Straight, alone or with your lover- if you want to have a prostate orgasm, here is how. Begin by massaging the area around the anus. You may want to use anal lube the first few times. Next simply insert your desired object: your finger, your girlfriends finger, a toy, or your partners cock, and apply interior pressure to the lower wall of the anus, sliding back and forth across the prostate as you work it in and out. The key is to give your body the chance to respond; take your time because the orgasm is worth it. Also, if you don’t find it pleasurable during the first exploration, that’s perfectly normal; you can always try again in the future.
The 6 Different Kinds of Female Orgasms
For women, having an orgasm can be lengthy, intense and euphoric. It’s not always the quick, bursting explosion followed by numbness that men experience. It’s moreoften longer, repetitious and breathtaking. However, sometimes, women have difficulty achieving orgasm at all. This is not uncommon and the best way to avoid the let down of not cumming, is to relax and not stress about it. According to Dr. Ian Kerner over at GoodInBed.com, while having sex women need to relax and actively shut down the parts of our brains that deal with stress and anxiety in order to reach the point where we can ‘let go’ and have an orgasm.
There are 6 types of orgasms a woman can experience. I know, sucks to be a guy, right? I can hear them whining already; “It’s so unfair!” Personally I consider the variety of orgasms and ability to multi-gasm compensation for suffering through menstration and childbirth. Here are the different types and how to achieve them…
Clitoral stimulation is your best bet for achieving orgasm. However, rather than through intercourse, the clitoral orgasm is more easily accomplished by direct contact during fingering or oral sex. This is because during sex, the clitoris is generally missed completely as the penis does not maintain contact with it during penetration. I find that the only positions where I even realize my clit is there at all are the Cowgirl (girl on top), Reverse Cowgirl (on top but facing his feet) and Missionary with Legwrap (man on top and maintaining close, tight contact along the entire body and girls legs wrapped around him to hold him in place). These positions should be the ones you choose if you are having difficulty reaching orgasm during sex.
Vaginal orgasms, or inside orgasms, include g-spot orgasms and squirting orgasms as well as what I call ‘deep orgasms’. The elusive g-spot orgasm is probably the most talked about and strived for of the group. Locating the g-spot is difficult at first and so, here is a YouTube instructional video to do just that. Like I always say, a video is worth a thousand words.
The remaining parts of this article are still being written… check back soon.
“Dreamgasms”, The Common Ground
The term “Wet Dreams” is most commonly referring to guys cumming in their sleep but the truth is that women do the same thing. Men can become erect during the dream-state and, if the imagination is wild enough, will ejaculate into their bedsheets.
Dreamgasms happen to women in our sleep. We girls can dream about achieving orgasm and actually experience one, with zero stimulation other than our hot and steamy imagination. They can be small orgasms, or intense enough to wake us up. If you find yourself creamy and wet when you wake up, chances are you had a dreamgasm. You might not even remember it or it could have occurred quite some time before you awoke.
Grab a tissue and some lube or put in a fresh set of batteries, because, ladies and gentlemen, today we are discussing the joys of self loving! I am very excited to write this article because I’m a big fan of female masturbation. Of course I intend to write about guys as well but mostly I really want the ladies to read this.
Before I begin, I want you to realize there is no one way to masturbate. So the methods and suggestions I write about here are not absolute! Masturbation should be about experimentation. It should be fun, inspiring and nicely naughty!
If any of you have any feelings of shame regarding masturbating you need to dispel those thoughts right now. Your palm will not grow hair, your fingers will not fall off and your soul will not burn in hell for all eternity. Okay, I can’t be certain about that last one but personally I believe that if God made our bodies with the ability to experience pleasure, I am sure he intended for us to do so as often and by whatever means we see fit.
Many of us, myself included, were brought up with the moral philosophy that touching ourselves is wrong. Well I’m sorry mom and dad, but I personally think the reason so many marriages end in divorce is because people are stuck on ridiculous old fashioned teachings such as that one. Masturbation is key to a healthy sex life and a healthy sex life is VITAL to a successful marriage or relationship. What does masturbation have to do with mine and my partners sex life, you say? Well let me tell you…
Masturbation is an essential step in learning about sex. We experiment with ourselves to see how it feels to experience pleasure and orgasm. Without this self practice, our bodies won’t know how to completely relax and react properly during actual intercourse. I believe that women who do not masturbate have a more difficult time achieving orgasm than those who do practice the art of self loving. And men who do not masturbate regularly can find it difficult to sustain and erection for longer periods of time, which of course can lead to unsatisfied partners. I’m not a scientist, and I’m not a degree toting sex therapist either but this is something I firmly believe.
I have spent countless hours pleasuring myself, to the point where I know my body so well that I can almost orgasm on command during sex. I know what I like and I know exactly how I want it. I can move myself into positions during sex which I know will hit the spots that need to be hit, because I know exactly where those spots are. That being said, let me start with the ladies and tell you some of my secrets for truly mindblowing masturbation.
My Basic Routine for Self Pleasure
I like to masturbate in many different ways and positions and for varying lengths of time, but this is a run down of my basic routine.
First I find a quiet space to relax either on the couch or bed, alone without chance of interruption (unless its the good kind: ie, hubby jumps in and takes over). I like to undress slowly, as if I’m seducing myself. Brushing my fingers gently along my skin as I slide off my top and bottoms. Leaving on my panties is a favourite of mine. I find they can be stimulating in their own right.
Next I do my own version of self foreplay. Sucking on my fingers and trailing my hands down to my breasts, caressing each one and lightly pinching my nipples. Remember to breath deeply providing lots of oxygen to your blood so it can reach its destination easily. Afterall, orgasms and pleasure can come from high blood flow to stimulated areas. After massaging and caressing my breasts I gently begin to rub my clitoris through the panties, one hand staying up on my mouth sucking on my fingers.
Fingering that incredible little nub I begin to use my other fingers to tease the skin along the insides of the panty elastics. Slowly finding my way underneath the panties and feeling out the lips of my pussy. I place my thumb on my now bare clitoris and rub around in circles while my index and middle fingers slowly begin to probe deep into my pussy. I finger the two deeply, making a “come here” movement to reach the upper wall where my g-spot is. My thumb never stops stimulating the clitoris meanwhile and I’m still sucking intensely on my other hands fingers.
After several minutes of this stimulation I will achieve either clitoral or g-spot orgasm, or both. I usually keep going even after I reach orgasm and might switch hands or lay on my side and stimulate myself from behind in a similar manner, placing my thumb on the anus and index and middle fingers inside probing the back wall of my pussy.
I never hold back my moans while masturbating. I incorporate them into my breathing and allow myself to moan and breath faster and faster as I edge towards my goal. This is why it’s best to masturbate when you are alone and free to enjoy yourself as much as you like without feeling shy or being distracted. Not to say you can’t masturbate in front of someone, as that has its own sense of fun as well.
Toys for big girls!
Ladies, it’s time to play! One of my favourite ways to reach the big O is with Adult Toy Play. Don’t fear the toys, they are not scary. They aren’t even taboo anymore. Adult Toys have become so popular, just about every lady owns one nowadays. And forget tupperware or candles, there are even home parties for sex toys now! One of my favourite websites for toy shopping is Babeland.com because they’re reliable, reasonably priced and popular enough to have product reviews.
For ladies there are basically two types of toys: Inside and Outside. Inside means they are designed for pleasuring internally: dildos and vibrating dildos as well as butt plugs and anal beads. Outside toys are to stimulate your clitoris and include bunny ears, suction lips, bullet vibes and vibrating panties. My favourite toys are called Bunny Vibes which offer the best of both worlds; and insertable dildo of varying size with a little bunny eared attachment to stimulate your clitoris simultaneously. I can eachieve my biggest orgasms with these vibes because if the timing is right I will have a G-Spot Orgasm as well as a Clitoral Orgasm.
For first timers and beginners I recommend something like a sex toy kit which contains multiple items and a guidebook. The Sex Toys 101 kit from Babeland.com is a good example. It comes with a small but effective insertable vibrator to play around inside your pussy, a silver bullet vibe to try out clitoral stimulation as well as a small butt plug for beginner anal play. They have many different kits with guidebooks. Just visiting the Babeland.com site is a great timepasser for tons of ideas and information.
Rubbing One Out: Masturbation for Guys
Coming soon… I’m still consulting with my partner 😉
Try something new, toys for boys
coming soon: reviews on the Fleshlight and other types of Pocket Pussies. As well as anal play for the brave.
I have been asked so many times to explain just how to please a woman with oral sex. Men, you know we love you and you may be masters at making out, but let’s face it, you are generally quite lost when it comes to going down south. Performing cunnilingus (also known as Eating Pussy, Eating Out or Going Down on Her), is the act of stimulating a females vaginal area using your tongue and mouth. And it’s an act that most girls report that they don’t receive nearly often enough. Why? Because most guys are either afraid, don’t know how or have been mislead by myths such as bad taste or bad odor.
The truth is, doing this tasty and scintillating favor to your gal is quite easy and not at all as miserable as you may have been lead to believe. And boy will she love you for it! Oral sex is not only pleasurable, it’s an excellent choice of foreplay. It gets a girl turned on quickly and generates a natural lubrication that will make for easier access during actual intercourse because her pussy is now wet and the muscles are relaxed and open for business.
First off, a quick note to the girls: if your downstairs has a bad odor or taste, there is a reason! You may want to talk to your doctor about a possible infection (such as the overwhelmingly common yeast infection) or std, or perhaps you are just not maintaining proper hygiene in the area with regular washing. Check out my article on feminine hygiene– it could solve the mystery of why your man doesn’t go down during sex.
Now for the guys (or girls! if you are curious about how to perform this as well), here are some easy to follow yet highly detailed steps you can take which are sure to get her motor running…
These steps are all done assuming your girl is laying on her back and you are laying face down between her legs. Not saying you can’t do this in other positions, but the directions won’t be fully accurate unless you read them assuming you are in this position.
Step One: Eye contact. Use a suggestive and sexy look as you slowly make your way south. Kissing her stomach on the way down is always nice. She will be surprised and will most likely get the hint. She will now either let you proceed, or hesitate. If she doesn’t seem game, stop. She may not be ‘prepared’ for this and that’s perfectly fair.
If she seems in to it, then obviously this is the part where you either undress her lower half if she is clothed, or if she is naked, spread her thighs for her. Some guys like to start over the panties- if you like, go ahead and tease her a little with your nose or tongue and nuzzle her slit through the cloth. If you are eager to get straight to the source, remove them and head to step two.
Step Two: Tease her with your tongue by doing a full lick from bottom to top. I call this the “base coat”- you’ll get to the “detailing” in a minute. This will send shivers down her spine and she will likely respond by either spreading her legs more, or squeezing your head gently with her thighs- either way, its a sign you’re doing good. I like to have my thighs gently massages during this stage.
Step Three: Next begin the detailing with some more intricate tongue. Swirl the tip of your tongue around her clitoris in a circular motion and gently suck on the clit after each rotation. This particular sex act is all about the clitoris, which needs external stimulation that it sometimes doesn’t get during intercourse. Keep swirling around the clit and begin to write letters with your tongue. I find spelling the word “sex” a few times really feels amazing. Don’t forget the suction after each swirling detail.
Step Four: After you have really got her attention with step three, you can now move your left hand’s thumb onto the clitoris and mimic the above swirling notion, substitute the sucking with light pinching of the clit between your thumb and index finger. While your finger takes over, insert the length of your tongue down into her pussy and push it deep as you can, lapping up and down with the occasional full mouth sucking motion. She’ll probably squeeze your head again, don’t worry, it doesn’t mean stop 😉
Step Five: Once you’ve had your fill of the deep, remove your thumb and bring your tongue back to the clit with the same swirling circular motion and sucking as step three. While you do that move your right hand towards her pussy and, once you have licked it for moisture, slowly insert your middle finger while your palm is facing upwards. Move it in and out of her, maintaining your ever vigilant tongue ritual above, and wiggle your finger inwards as you slide it out. Once she is wetter and more relaxed you can increase the number of fingers by adding your index finger. Some girls may like up to three or more fingers but most prefer two. Keep that same fingering motion as if you were wiggling your finger(s) in a “come here” gesture each time you slide it outwards. This motion is the best way to stimulate the illusive g-spot.
Continue step five with increasing pressure and speed for as long as necessary- just don’t forget your tongue. That clitoris is your best bet for an orgasm. But if you are skilled, you could also bring about a g-spot orgasm as well.
Once that earth shattering orgasm is reached, your lady will most likely be panting with delight and hungry for some more serious lovin’. Time to grab a condom, if that’s your method of contraceptive/safe sex, and rock her world some more.
Bon Apetit! 😉