The orgasm is the goal of sexual intercourse, masturbation and even foreplay. It’s a mysterious pleasure, felt by every man and woman, which can be as light and simple as a flitting bird and as hard and intense as an iron wrecking ball. While it’s still called an orgasm in reference to either gender, the truth is men and women have very different experiences during this moment.
The Male Orgasm: Simple, singular and scintillating
It’s short, sweet and typically more intense than a woman’s. For guys, reaching orgasm unleashes a rush of drowsy hormones—norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nictric oxide and the hormone prolactin. That’s why it’s nearly impossible for them to not feel sleepy after sex. In most cases, men can only achieve one orgasm during intercourse and then need to recharge their erection after cumming. What does it feel like when men orgasm? Their brain enters a state of trance-like bliss during the approach and afterwards a split second of clarity like an epiphany or seeing everything perfectly clear for the first time.
Some men have stated that orgasms are different depending on whether they’re masturbating or having sex. Cumming while masturbating tends to happen out of neccessity- the man just feels like he needs to blow off some steam so he plays with himself. But cumming during intercourse can be more of a spiritual experience like establishing a deep connection with someone via orgasm.
The best way to stimulate an orgasm is to repeat rapidly moving, encased pressure around the entire length of the penis- especially the tip. Thrusting quickly and deeply into your girlfriend’s pussy or gripping your cock with your hand and jerking it up and down at high speeds are the two most obvious methods of doing this. Another way to make an orgasm more intense is to “edge” it. Meaning, you just about reach the point where you are going to cum and then you force yourself not to. Hold it in and slow down, then keep going again until you reach that point once more. Repeat as many times as you like (but don’t be ridiculous) until you finally let yourself release. The feeling is explosive.
The ‘Other’ Male Orgasm Straight Guys Won’t Wanna Read About
Believe it or not, there is a male equivalent to the female G-Spot. The prostate orgasm is supposedly a lot more intense than a regular orgasm and the spot is easier to find than a woman’s. This orgasm is achieved by internal stimulation of the prostate via the anus. It is most commonly felt by homosexual practitioners, however, straight guys can have one as well if they have a forward thinking girlfriend ready with the assist or are willing to try anal sex toys. Many gay men have tried to convince straight guys to keep an open mind about the “Male g-Spot” because they know what their hetero pals are missing. You can either continue reading for the how-to, or curse my name out loud and curl up into a fetal position in the corner.
Gay or Straight, alone or with your lover- if you want to have a prostate orgasm, here is how. Begin by massaging the area around the anus. You may want to use anal lube the first few times. Next simply insert your desired object: your finger, your girlfriends finger, a toy, or your partners cock, and apply interior pressure to the lower wall of the anus, sliding back and forth across the prostate as you work it in and out. The key is to give your body the chance to respond; take your time because the orgasm is worth it. Also, if you don’t find it pleasurable during the first exploration, that’s perfectly normal; you can always try again in the future.
The 6 Different Kinds of Female Orgasms
For women, having an orgasm can be lengthy, intense and euphoric. It’s not always the quick, bursting explosion followed by numbness that men experience. It’s moreoften longer, repetitious and breathtaking. However, sometimes, women have difficulty achieving orgasm at all. This is not uncommon and the best way to avoid the let down of not cumming, is to relax and not stress about it. According to Dr. Ian Kerner over at GoodInBed.com, while having sex women need to relax and actively shut down the parts of our brains that deal with stress and anxiety in order to reach the point where we can ‘let go’ and have an orgasm.
There are 6 types of orgasms a woman can experience. I know, sucks to be a guy, right? I can hear them whining already; “It’s so unfair!” Personally I consider the variety of orgasms and ability to multi-gasm compensation for suffering through menstration and childbirth. Here are the different types and how to achieve them…
Clitoral stimulation is your best bet for achieving orgasm. However, rather than through intercourse, the clitoral orgasm is more easily accomplished by direct contact during fingering or oral sex. This is because during sex, the clitoris is generally missed completely as the penis does not maintain contact with it during penetration. I find that the only positions where I even realize my clit is there at all are the Cowgirl (girl on top), Reverse Cowgirl (on top but facing his feet) and Missionary with Legwrap (man on top and maintaining close, tight contact along the entire body and girls legs wrapped around him to hold him in place). These positions should be the ones you choose if you are having difficulty reaching orgasm during sex.
Vaginal orgasms, or inside orgasms, include g-spot orgasms and squirting orgasms as well as what I call ‘deep orgasms’. The elusive g-spot orgasm is probably the most talked about and strived for of the group. Locating the g-spot is difficult at first and so, here is a YouTube instructional video to do just that. Like I always say, a video is worth a thousand words.
The remaining parts of this article are still being written… check back soon.
“Dreamgasms”, The Common Ground
The term “Wet Dreams” is most commonly referring to guys cumming in their sleep but the truth is that women do the same thing. Men can become erect during the dream-state and, if the imagination is wild enough, will ejaculate into their bedsheets.
Dreamgasms happen to women in our sleep. We girls can dream about achieving orgasm and actually experience one, with zero stimulation other than our hot and steamy imagination. They can be small orgasms, or intense enough to wake us up. If you find yourself creamy and wet when you wake up, chances are you had a dreamgasm. You might not even remember it or it could have occurred quite some time before you awoke.
Grab a tissue and some lube or put in a fresh set of batteries, because, ladies and gentlemen, today we are discussing the joys of self loving! I am very excited to write this article because I’m a big fan of female masturbation. Of course I intend to write about guys as well but mostly I really want the ladies to read this.
Before I begin, I want you to realize there is no one way to masturbate. So the methods and suggestions I write about here are not absolute! Masturbation should be about experimentation. It should be fun, inspiring and nicely naughty!
If any of you have any feelings of shame regarding masturbating you need to dispel those thoughts right now. Your palm will not grow hair, your fingers will not fall off and your soul will not burn in hell for all eternity. Okay, I can’t be certain about that last one but personally I believe that if God made our bodies with the ability to experience pleasure, I am sure he intended for us to do so as often and by whatever means we see fit.
Many of us, myself included, were brought up with the moral philosophy that touching ourselves is wrong. Well I’m sorry mom and dad, but I personally think the reason so many marriages end in divorce is because people are stuck on ridiculous old fashioned teachings such as that one. Masturbation is key to a healthy sex life and a healthy sex life is VITAL to a successful marriage or relationship. What does masturbation have to do with mine and my partners sex life, you say? Well let me tell you…
Masturbation is an essential step in learning about sex. We experiment with ourselves to see how it feels to experience pleasure and orgasm. Without this self practice, our bodies won’t know how to completely relax and react properly during actual intercourse. I believe that women who do not masturbate have a more difficult time achieving orgasm than those who do practice the art of self loving. And men who do not masturbate regularly can find it difficult to sustain and erection for longer periods of time, which of course can lead to unsatisfied partners. I’m not a scientist, and I’m not a degree toting sex therapist either but this is something I firmly believe.
I have spent countless hours pleasuring myself, to the point where I know my body so well that I can almost orgasm on command during sex. I know what I like and I know exactly how I want it. I can move myself into positions during sex which I know will hit the spots that need to be hit, because I know exactly where those spots are. That being said, let me start with the ladies and tell you some of my secrets for truly mindblowing masturbation.
My Basic Routine for Self Pleasure
I like to masturbate in many different ways and positions and for varying lengths of time, but this is a run down of my basic routine.
First I find a quiet space to relax either on the couch or bed, alone without chance of interruption (unless its the good kind: ie, hubby jumps in and takes over). I like to undress slowly, as if I’m seducing myself. Brushing my fingers gently along my skin as I slide off my top and bottoms. Leaving on my panties is a favourite of mine. I find they can be stimulating in their own right.
Next I do my own version of self foreplay. Sucking on my fingers and trailing my hands down to my breasts, caressing each one and lightly pinching my nipples. Remember to breath deeply providing lots of oxygen to your blood so it can reach its destination easily. Afterall, orgasms and pleasure can come from high blood flow to stimulated areas. After massaging and caressing my breasts I gently begin to rub my clitoris through the panties, one hand staying up on my mouth sucking on my fingers.
Fingering that incredible little nub I begin to use my other fingers to tease the skin along the insides of the panty elastics. Slowly finding my way underneath the panties and feeling out the lips of my pussy. I place my thumb on my now bare clitoris and rub around in circles while my index and middle fingers slowly begin to probe deep into my pussy. I finger the two deeply, making a “come here” movement to reach the upper wall where my g-spot is. My thumb never stops stimulating the clitoris meanwhile and I’m still sucking intensely on my other hands fingers.
After several minutes of this stimulation I will achieve either clitoral or g-spot orgasm, or both. I usually keep going even after I reach orgasm and might switch hands or lay on my side and stimulate myself from behind in a similar manner, placing my thumb on the anus and index and middle fingers inside probing the back wall of my pussy.
I never hold back my moans while masturbating. I incorporate them into my breathing and allow myself to moan and breath faster and faster as I edge towards my goal. This is why it’s best to masturbate when you are alone and free to enjoy yourself as much as you like without feeling shy or being distracted. Not to say you can’t masturbate in front of someone, as that has its own sense of fun as well.
Toys for big girls!
Ladies, it’s time to play! One of my favourite ways to reach the big O is with Adult Toy Play. Don’t fear the toys, they are not scary. They aren’t even taboo anymore. Adult Toys have become so popular, just about every lady owns one nowadays. And forget tupperware or candles, there are even home parties for sex toys now! One of my favourite websites for toy shopping is Babeland.com because they’re reliable, reasonably priced and popular enough to have product reviews.
For ladies there are basically two types of toys: Inside and Outside. Inside means they are designed for pleasuring internally: dildos and vibrating dildos as well as butt plugs and anal beads. Outside toys are to stimulate your clitoris and include bunny ears, suction lips, bullet vibes and vibrating panties. My favourite toys are called Bunny Vibes which offer the best of both worlds; and insertable dildo of varying size with a little bunny eared attachment to stimulate your clitoris simultaneously. I can eachieve my biggest orgasms with these vibes because if the timing is right I will have a G-Spot Orgasm as well as a Clitoral Orgasm.
For first timers and beginners I recommend something like a sex toy kit which contains multiple items and a guidebook. The Sex Toys 101 kit from Babeland.com is a good example. It comes with a small but effective insertable vibrator to play around inside your pussy, a silver bullet vibe to try out clitoral stimulation as well as a small butt plug for beginner anal play. They have many different kits with guidebooks. Just visiting the Babeland.com site is a great timepasser for tons of ideas and information.
Rubbing One Out: Masturbation for Guys
Coming soon… I’m still consulting with my partner 😉
Try something new, toys for boys
coming soon: reviews on the Fleshlight and other types of Pocket Pussies. As well as anal play for the brave.
I have been asked so many times to explain just how to please a woman with oral sex. Men, you know we love you and you may be masters at making out, but let’s face it, you are generally quite lost when it comes to going down south. Performing cunnilingus (also known as Eating Pussy, Eating Out or Going Down on Her), is the act of stimulating a females vaginal area using your tongue and mouth. And it’s an act that most girls report that they don’t receive nearly often enough. Why? Because most guys are either afraid, don’t know how or have been mislead by myths such as bad taste or bad odor.
The truth is, doing this tasty and scintillating favor to your gal is quite easy and not at all as miserable as you may have been lead to believe. And boy will she love you for it! Oral sex is not only pleasurable, it’s an excellent choice of foreplay. It gets a girl turned on quickly and generates a natural lubrication that will make for easier access during actual intercourse because her pussy is now wet and the muscles are relaxed and open for business.
First off, a quick note to the girls: if your downstairs has a bad odor or taste, there is a reason! You may want to talk to your doctor about a possible infection (such as the overwhelmingly common yeast infection) or std, or perhaps you are just not maintaining proper hygiene in the area with regular washing. Check out my article on feminine hygiene– it could solve the mystery of why your man doesn’t go down during sex.
Now for the guys (or girls! if you are curious about how to perform this as well), here are some easy to follow yet highly detailed steps you can take which are sure to get her motor running…
These steps are all done assuming your girl is laying on her back and you are laying face down between her legs. Not saying you can’t do this in other positions, but the directions won’t be fully accurate unless you read them assuming you are in this position.
Step One: Eye contact. Use a suggestive and sexy look as you slowly make your way south. Kissing her stomach on the way down is always nice. She will be surprised and will most likely get the hint. She will now either let you proceed, or hesitate. If she doesn’t seem game, stop. She may not be ‘prepared’ for this and that’s perfectly fair.
If she seems in to it, then obviously this is the part where you either undress her lower half if she is clothed, or if she is naked, spread her thighs for her. Some guys like to start over the panties- if you like, go ahead and tease her a little with your nose or tongue and nuzzle her slit through the cloth. If you are eager to get straight to the source, remove them and head to step two.
Step Two: Tease her with your tongue by doing a full lick from bottom to top. I call this the “base coat”- you’ll get to the “detailing” in a minute. This will send shivers down her spine and she will likely respond by either spreading her legs more, or squeezing your head gently with her thighs- either way, its a sign you’re doing good. I like to have my thighs gently massages during this stage.
Step Three: Next begin the detailing with some more intricate tongue. Swirl the tip of your tongue around her clitoris in a circular motion and gently suck on the clit after each rotation. This particular sex act is all about the clitoris, which needs external stimulation that it sometimes doesn’t get during intercourse. Keep swirling around the clit and begin to write letters with your tongue. I find spelling the word “sex” a few times really feels amazing. Don’t forget the suction after each swirling detail.
Step Four: After you have really got her attention with step three, you can now move your left hand’s thumb onto the clitoris and mimic the above swirling notion, substitute the sucking with light pinching of the clit between your thumb and index finger. While your finger takes over, insert the length of your tongue down into her pussy and push it deep as you can, lapping up and down with the occasional full mouth sucking motion. She’ll probably squeeze your head again, don’t worry, it doesn’t mean stop 😉
Step Five: Once you’ve had your fill of the deep, remove your thumb and bring your tongue back to the clit with the same swirling circular motion and sucking as step three. While you do that move your right hand towards her pussy and, once you have licked it for moisture, slowly insert your middle finger while your palm is facing upwards. Move it in and out of her, maintaining your ever vigilant tongue ritual above, and wiggle your finger inwards as you slide it out. Once she is wetter and more relaxed you can increase the number of fingers by adding your index finger. Some girls may like up to three or more fingers but most prefer two. Keep that same fingering motion as if you were wiggling your finger(s) in a “come here” gesture each time you slide it outwards. This motion is the best way to stimulate the illusive g-spot.
Continue step five with increasing pressure and speed for as long as necessary- just don’t forget your tongue. That clitoris is your best bet for an orgasm. But if you are skilled, you could also bring about a g-spot orgasm as well.
Once that earth shattering orgasm is reached, your lady will most likely be panting with delight and hungry for some more serious lovin’. Time to grab a condom, if that’s your method of contraceptive/safe sex, and rock her world some more.
Bon Apetit! 😉
Ok, I’m in the early stages of developing this blog and we’ve touched on a few subjects so far but before I proceed with more Sex articles, I need to cover some basics. After all, it wouldn’t be fair for me to teach your man how to eat you out if he gets ‘food poisoning’ from your poorly maintained pussy, would it? Since I’ve been so blunt, let’s get to it. Oh and guys? Get lost. This isn’t for you- trust me, you don’t wanna read this stuff anyways.
1. Cleanliness is next to Godliness
Or godessness… if that’s a word. Basically, when you are bathing or showering don’t by shy. Get up in there and CLEAN it! I’m amazed and how many women are frightened of their own vaginas. Goodness! Your sex is one of the most important parts of who you are- the very essence of you! It should be first on your list during bathing. It’s way more important than shampooing your hair or shaving your legs. Because let’s face it, no matter how smooth your skin or how perfectly coiffed your hair is, no man will want near you if your vagina reeks.
- Step One: Get in your shower in the most comfortable position to wash your vulva. This could be either standing with the shower head running or even squatting while the tap is running. Wash or wipe using a front to back motion (meaning spread your labia apart and wipe from front to back). This helps to prevent Urinary Tract Infections (UTI).
- Step Two: If you are left handed, use your left hand or if you are right handed, use your right hand. Gently rub your vulva with your index, middle and ring finger with clean water, get between your labia (lips) to make sure any discharge, dead cells or dirt is removed.
- Step Three: Using a clean wash cloth or a plastic cup, rinse by pouring water over the vulva front to back. Don’t rub too hard, or get the water too hot. This could lead to irritation.
- Notes: You should not use soaps or washes. These will dry-out the mucus membrane of the inside of your vulva which may cause irritation, and toxins that may be present in some products are more easily absorbed through the mucus membrane. Soaps and washes will also effect the natural pH of your vagina/vulva which effects healthy bacterial balance – this can lead to bad odor and risk infections. Some ingredients in feminine wash/soaps can contain toxins and can increase your risk of cancer.
Wash the buttocks and anal area last to avoid cross contamination. Anal bacteria reaching the vagina (by piggy-backing on a wash cloth or fingers) can cause serious discomfort and/or infection.
2. Tastes like chicken? I hope not.
Your vaginal area needs to maintain its delicate pH balance in order to maintain perfect health. This balance also determines the taste of your pussy and your cum. I don’t wanna call it discharge because come on, who wants to talk about eating discharge? Mmm. No. The normal pH of the vagina is slightly acidic, around 3.8 to 4.5 which is why, as you may have heard, eating fruits and vegetables can make your essence taste sweeter and with a pleasant tang. Alternatively, alkaline-based foods, such as meat and fish, can produce a more bitter taste down there in both men and women. Dairy products, which usually contain high bacterial content, can also make for an unpleasant taste. Smoking affects the taste as well. Be sure to drink lots of water as it will improve the taste.
The time of month can affect the tast as well. You can usually detect a hint of iron (same iron taste you get in the back of your throat during a nosebleed) if you are nearing the time for your period. Obviously, we don’t want to discuss taste during your period…
It’s best to consider your diet and smoking habits the day or two before you plan on having a sexual encounter – that way, when your man (or gal) heads south they’ll be wanting to stay down there for hours and hours to sample your sweet and tangy juices.
3. Pubic Hair – Friend or Foe?
Personally I hate my pubic hair. It always grows in patchy and makes it impossible to trim it into an attractive template like the V or Landing Strip. It’s either all or nothing for me. I prefer to keep it trimmed and not just to make it pretty. Too much pubic hair traps moisture and can cause bacterial growth. Warm, moist, enclosed areas are bacteria’s favourite place to dwell- and your pussy is all of the above. Especially if you are overweight. I trim the hair down with scissors, carefully, and shave or wax the sides to keep a nice bikini edge. No one likes hair sticking out the sides of their bathing suits or underwear…
You can visit your local Spa/Salon to get your bikini area waxed professionally. I have never had this done, but many of my friends say it’s the only way to go.
Are you super hairy? Check out this article over at The Bearded Iris for tips on feminine hygiene for especially hairy women. Some of you may struggle with overpopulated hair like she does. She is hilarious too, you’ll enjoy the read.
3. Tampons, Pads and Your Vagina while on your Period…
During your period you need to pay extra attention to hygiene in this area. Whether you use tampons or pads, be sure to READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. It’s not just about learning how to insert or apply the product, you need to learn the risks and how long you can use it before it has to be changed. If it says every 8 hours (tampons) then don’t wait a minute longer. Your pad should be changed each time you pee and if you go a while without peeing, change it anyways. Leaving that moisture against your skin is just begging for bacterial breeding.
Wipe the area thoroughly with a moist towelette each time you change the product. Paying special attention to your pubic hair if using pads. Some product comes with these wipes now, otherwise I recommend buying some baby wipes and tossing a couple in ziploc bags in your purse. You’ll appreciate this advice once you try it. Whichever wipes you use, be sure they are designed for vaginal use- you don’t want unwanted chemicals that could cause serious illness or injury.
Washing your vaginal area during your period is just as, if not more, important as washing it any other time of the month. You should remove your tampon before showering to ensure the best possible clean.
4.Signs of STD or Infection
Vaginal itching is the most basic and alerting symptom of infection. This could be a simple yeast infection or it could be something as serious as an STD. Please keep these warning signs in mind and if you are experiencing them- see your gynecologist immediately. The best site I have found to learn about STD’s is Avert.org.
Bacterial vaginosis is an abnormal vaginal condition that is characterized by vaginal discharge and results from an overgrowth of normal bacteria in the vagina. See your doctor for this one, it can only be treated with antibiotics.
Chlamydia (Chlamydia trachomatis) is a bacterium that causes an infection that is very similar to gonorrhea in the way that it is spread and the symptoms it produces. It is common and affects approximately 4 million women annually. It’s an STD and both infected men and infected women frequently lack symptoms of chlamydia infection. Thus, these individuals can unknowingly spread the infection to others.
Genital herpes is a viral infection caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). You can get it from intimate contact with an infected mouth, genitals or skin surrounding the genitals. Symptoms include Fever and flu–like symptoms, genital itching, burning, or discomfort, vaginal discharge, Swollen lymph nodes and a feeling of pressure in the abdomen.
HPV infection (aka human papillomaviruse, or genital warts) is now considered to be the most common sexually-transmitted infection (sexually transmitted disease, STD) in the U.S., and it is believed that at least 75% of the reproductive-age population has been infected with sexually-transmitted HPV at some point in life. Most of the time genital warts don’t cause any symptoms, but you may sometimes experience itching, burning, or tenderness. Condom use seems to decrease the risk of transmission of HPV – ALWAYS USE A CONDOM.
Check out Avert.org’s pictures of STD’s if you wanna be scared into never having sex without protection again.
“Safe sex means making sure you don’t get anyone else’s blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk in your body — and protecting your partners too!”
Unless you know for certain that your partner is completely std free, you should not be having sex without protection. Even then, using the proper methods of contraception is important to be sure you don’t get pregnant before you’re planning on having kids. Couples who have been together monogamously for a longer period of time may begin to forego items like condoms because they know that they are already STD free and safe together. This kind of confidence requires a committed and trusting relationship. You don’t start out at this stage, it’s something that takes time… as well as std testing.
We’ll talk about a few different methods of Birth Control and STD Prevention here.
Always choose latex condoms. And make sure they are lubricated!
Condoms are ideal for anal or vaginal sex. And when performing oral sex on a partner whom you are not in a committed relationship. Many people forget that oral sex can transfer STD’s the same as intercourse. So always wrap it up. Sucking or fucking, wrap it up! Using lubricated condoms orally is not pleasant though. Non lubricated work in that case. And remember, whenever you use lube with a condom, be sure its actual lube made for sex…. not just some random shit you thought up. No lotion or vaseline! Genuine, water soluble lubricant. KY brand is awesome.
Birth Control Pills and Injections
Pills are most effective when used with a condom. Birth Control Pills don’t prevent STD’s
These are prescribed by a doctor or family planner. You simply take one birth control pill per day, and then either take none or take the special “sugar pills” provided in the packet during your period. These pills are effective at preventing pregnancy but do nothing against STD’s. Be sure not to miss a pill. Set an alarm on your phone for the same time every day and always keep them in your purse- I find that is the best way to remember.
Injections are nearly 100% effective. Administered by a Doctor once every 3 months
Like pills, injections have certain risks you have to weigh before you decide to use them. They increase your chance of liver failure and blood clots, so if you have a history of these, contraceptive pills and injections aren’t a good choice. They have some nasty possible side effects as well, so you really need to read the fine print. Of course, the side effects aren’t guaranteed to happen to you. Most women have little or no issues.
Contraceptive coils (IUDs)
A little plastic device that is placed inside your womb to prevent pregnancy
Again, this is a device which offers prevention of pregnancy only. It holds no power over STD’s. Your doctor will insert it during a simple day surgery like procedure. It can stay in place for a long time so its a great option for women who don’t want to be bothered with more time consuming methods. IUD’s prevent your partner’s sperm from getting through your womb and into your tubes. They are 98% effective at preventing pregnancy.
The “pull and pray” method doesn’t work. Don’t do it.
You have a very good chance of becoming pregnant if you use the old fashioned “quick honey, pull out before you cum!” method. I’m always baffled at how many girls think this really works. This also does ZIP to protect you from STD’s.
And in closing…
There are other options you can discuss with your doctor, but these are the most effective and most used (although IUD’s aren’t as common in the USA we use them all the time in Canada and the UK). Check out this site to learn more detailed information about the Birth Control methods above as well as other options.
Personally, I have had two pregnancies. One was while I was using only Birth Control Pills which I miscarried and then my son was conceived while using just a condom. So you can see these methods aren’t guaranteed on their own. I learned to use both working together. Thankfully I have never contracted an STD, and my fiancee and I are in a monogamous, committed relationship. We no longer use condoms because STD’s are no longer a risk for us and we are at an age and position to happily raise another child if we were to become pregnant.
Ah, your first time. For many of us, its a distant memory of the past. We remember the awkward fumbling and nervous exploration with a giggling fondness. But mostly we remember how much we have improved since then. And that’s the key thing to note, your first time is just that. You’re first time. You will get better gradually and you will one day master the game, but you have to start somewhere. As long as you don’t go into it blindly, you will have a thoroughly enjoyable moment in time.
Really think things through
When you decide you are ready to take the sexual leap in your relationship remember a few things. This site may be read by teens so I want to stress the point that you be aware of the Age of Consent laws in your area. Here is a great site which explains the laws and their details. Be sure you understand that these laws need to be respected for your own benefit. You don’t want your partner to end up in jail, it will spoil the fun.
Aside from your age, it’s important to consider your emotional readiness. Is your partner someone you can depend on to be caring and understanding? A person you are comfortable with completely? Someone who is mature enough to understand the possible ramifications of having sex- you could get pregnant even on your first time and even with protection. Be sure you discuss with your partner everything on this page. If you can’t even talk to each other about sex and all that it entails, you are not ready to have it.
Safety is a major part of sex. Not just protection from pregnancy, but from STD’s as well. Be sure you know your partners sexual history. Take responsibility for your own health. Women are more likely than men to contract a sexually transmitted infection. A condom is one effective method of STD prevention, especially when used in coordination with another form of Birth Control. No one method is 100% effective so double teaming is wise. Be sure to check out our articles on Birth Control and STD prevention methods.
Sounds like a silly reminder, but don’t forget the foreplay! It’s a great part of sex. Kissing, touching, oral sex, fingering, grinding… all these things will not only get you in the mood, they actually help prep your body for what’s to come. Guys need to be fully erect to properly put on a condom and to enter the vagina for intercourse. And girls need to be sufficiently aroused in order to get wet and relaxed enough for penetration. Without lubrication, sex can not only be painful but dangerous- friction is bad for the condom. Have some made-for-sex, water soluble lubricant on hand just in case. KY Jelly is great. The more aroused and relaxed a girl is for her first time, the less painful the sex will be. Don’t tense up. The pain won’t last too long and remember, once your Hymen is punctured, you may bleed a little. Not to worry, this is normal. This also might not happen the first time.
Applying the condom should be done before penetration, and unless you know for certain he is STD-free, before Oral sex as well. I could explain how to put one on, but honestly, a YouTube video is worth a thousand words! I chose one with a British female narrator because I think all how-to videos should be narrated in a British Accent…
Sex can be emotional for us girls. Our hormones tend to make us weepy and insecure at times. Be considerate of your woman’s emotions. Remind her that she is a beautiful person and that you love and respect her body. And girls, remember that you should always feel respected at all times. Never ever let a man force the idea of sex on you. And remember, ladies, you likely won’t orgasm your first time. But don’t fake one. Just let him know out loud when it feels good, that you are enjoying yourself, what you like and don’t like and tell him that you are patient and are ok with trying again next time. There is every reason to be completely honest with each other about everything. Sex isn’t a game, even though it’s super fun, haha.
The Big O
It has long been my belief that we girls need to learn how to have an orgasm and it comes easier for people who know their bodies well already from thorough experimentation to see what feels good. If you are not the type to experiment with self pleasure, your body will take a little more time to get used to the idea of “letting go” with an orgasm. Masturbation is not evil. It’s amazing. And it’s NOT just for guys. Oh and don’t worry about “not knowing if you had an orgasm”. Trust me, you’ll know. 😉
Guys, be prepared for the possibility that you won’t last long. A vagina is nothing like your hand. The sensation you will experience inside a woman for the first time is intense, even through the condom. Don’t be ashamed of losing your load quickly and don’t try too hard to hold back. Your first time should feel good. Your partner will want to please you as much as you want to please her. There are other ways to continue her pleasure when you are done if you are determined to get her there.
Practice Makes Perfect
Always remember that sex gets better over time. The more familiar you become with each other and your own bodies, the easier it will be to achieve orgasm and greater sexual satisfaction. No need to rush it, you have a lifetime of sex ahead of you. Above all, just enjoy yourself. Savor each moment and go into it with a clear yet prepared head… being drunk your first time is not at all recommended. You really wanna be ‘all there’ for one of the greatest nights of your life. If you can go through it as a team, remembering there are two of you and always talk about how you are feeling, it will be a seriously amazing experience for you both.
My name is Chelsea Mara and I’d like to welcome you to Sex Talk With Chelsea! I’m very excited to get this blog started. It’s been a long time coming and finally it’s here. This blog is setup to provide you, all of you, with advice and resources about the most thought about, yet often under-researched area of your life… sex.
For years I have been offering one on one advice about sex, but I have never taken the time to consistently and clearly compile all these tidbits of intelligence. Until now! This blog is a treasure trove of sex talk: intercourse, foreplay, how-to guides, safe sex, risks, sex toys, relationship advice and most importantly of all- Your Questions Answered!
This is a place for beginners and experts. For the young and the old. For the straight and the unconventional. For men and for women! It’s a blog full of dirty little secrets, tasty tidbits, beautiful bedrooms and naughty ideas.
Join me on my adventure, I promise you won’t be disappointed! And don’t forget to send me your questions and topic requests. Afterall, this place is for you!